This is a tale of a world-changing event that took place not long ago.

Mild-mannered bat Kevin lost his parents to a tragic cave python-related incident outside the opera when he was young. He used to get bullied by all the other bats in his cave. Predation was rife; everyone lived in fear of the cave pythons and those ugly centipede thingies. Kevin left his cave to see the wider cave out there.

One day on his travels Kevin went to a concert where he got bitten by a man called Ozzy Ozbourne. Unfortunately Ozzy was no ordinary human being, but the toxic and radioactive Prince of Darkness. This bite led to Kevin developing strange human powers, like the ability to doodle while on the phone and the ability to vote.

Also he used the technology of hemp fibres to weave himself a protective exoskeleton so he was immune to cave pythons.

He now lives his life in the cave fighting the societal ills of cramped conditions and constant all-pervading smell of methane from the guana.

Note: some details have been changed to preserve the identity of “Kevin”

Next week: Maniron

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