Reuters, UPI:- Last Sunday, the 4th of June, three cars separately made their way from Manchester down to Uttoxeter. Little would anyone of the onlooking, unsuspecting public realise that these three cars, in fact, held co-conspiring members of a very carefree and socialist alliance. These nutters were, in fact, out to realise a dastardly plan, hatched and realised by a most devious individual only known to interpol as “Tinks” a.k.a “Tinkerbell”. Rumour has it that this woman acquired this moniker due the hellish and monstrous tattoo around her bum region.
The mainstay of this plan was to bankrupt a large Western company that runs the entertainment park called Alton Towers. They aimed to accomplish this by going on as many rides as possible, therefore making it impossible for this free-trading company to make any profit from the £20.70 this heinous group had paid in advance. Another part of the plan was to jam up all the queues to increase public disgruntle-ness and spread Anti-Altonism.
Fortunately for the park, one pimply-faced employee amongst the many thousands that work there cottoned on to this plan, and they were named and shamed after having only been on 10/11 rides each! The members were The Black Corsa Pirates- Ioannis, Naz, Jessy, Yannis (with a predominance of Greeks, this group was well-versed in sea piracy), The Silver Polo Corsairs- David, Simon, Shasha, Bessie (this group contained the masters of infiltration), and The Maroon-ish Escort Marooners- Willy, Jilly, and the kingpin herself Tinky.
The rides that had been victims of their dastardly attemps were: Oblivion (twice), Air (twice), Nemesis, Climbing Wall, Katanga, The Flume, Spinball, Rita the Speed Queen, and Corkscrew. A splinter group also attacked the arcades and the Teacup ride.