Yawn

It’s another slow day. Finished reading ‘Our Inner Ape’ (Frans de Waal), now moved on to If a Lion Could Talk (Stephen Budiansky).

My Google Analytics are showing a disappointingly miniscule amount of readers.

I want to join the Manchester Literary and Philosophical Society, but their webpage says “A membership form for you to print and complete will be available here soon.”

New Year’ll be here soon.

Have a good time everyone and don’t forget to make your resolutions practical and achievable.

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Christmas cheats!

All I remember about our supposedly “fun” Christmas Party on the 23rd at Ioannis’ was that I was cheated out of a(nother) victory in my life. My team, composed of me (and two other persons called Jeff and Rob who were there only to make up the numbers) was walloping the three other teams at Trivial Pursuit when suddenly out of the blue another team started winning.

To be completely honest, I was not without fault for my defeat.

I should’ve suspected something was fishy in the State of Denmark when Tracy started answering trivia questions.

Especially before I had completed asking the question.

An abstemious God

My site was down for a while and I panicked. I can’t find any of my regular blogbuddies through Google except for Boudica. The rest of you are so ornery that you don’t show up, whereas I’m top of the pile for “nazmania”.

I was thinking last night (I know, I apologise and will not be making a habit of it) and realised, the year 2007 is on its way!! What this means is that God hasn’t got his leg over in about Two Thousand Years, if you believe the news. How people are going to respect a God who doesn’t even get a bit of action every now and then, only God knows. But He seems to be quite busy interfering with reptiles and amphibians, producing “virgin birth” after “virgin birth” with no end in sight, nor indeed any talk of child support.

I then imagined what the conversation would go like today:-

Cuckolded Husband:- You what?? But we didn’t even….

“Virgin” Wife:- It was God’s act.

Cuckolded Husband:- Not again?!

God:- Sorry, you know, it’s actually been quite a while…

Cuckolded Husband:- You could’ve been more careful God! This is the 20th century you know. There are things you can use to prevent…

God (mumbling):- Sorry..

And now for the Educational part of the post———–

As for virgin births, they are brought about by a process known as parthenogenesis. This is obviously from the Greek “Parthenos” meaning “milkman, or any other such door-to-door tradesman” because in those Early Greek Days of Aristotle and Democracy and Nana Moskouri all such people came from a region called Parthena. I think the “Genesis” part we all understand. If not, I can recommend a couple of top-notch movies.

Half my kingdom for a disorder!

In the past I have often felt rather left out when my England football mates all talked in the locker room about their Obsessive Compulsive Disorders, and I had none to compare!! I could match them pound for pound with their Range Rover Sports and Lincoln Navigators, but here I was being out-classed in my own backyard, mental disorders!! Until it struck me that I have been so busy trying to sort out World Poverty and Cancer that I didn’t even realise I had a wonderful disorder of my own. Oh Joy!!

I don’t throw away empty mayo jars.

Now you might say this is just a rather unusual form of squirrelling, but I say nay! When you consider that I only eat Hellman’s full fat mayo, and only buy the large jars, then you will come closer to understanding. You see, with the standard spoons (and knives and forks) in my house, I can never reach the bottom of the jar so there’s always a mini-motherlode of mayo waiting to be tapped. So I put the jar back into the fridge and open a new jar for my immediate needs. I reason that someday when I’m cooking and want to make the dish somewhat creamier, I’ll pour some hot water into the jar, swirl it around and thus get at that slippery mayo.

Thus I have a fridge chock full of almost-but-not-quite empty mayo jars.

 

And a Bushism :- “We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbour just like you like to be liked yourself.”

Ah, you don’t even know how I like to be liked myself!!

Angry dad

Yesterday Homer Simpson was the muse for Bart’s comic creation “Angry Dad”. Apparently Homer has an anger management problem. He says:-

I’m a rage-oholic. I need my rage-ohol!!

Haha!

Freedom Next Time – New Rulers of the World

I was sure I had posted about the Australian investigative journalist and film-maker John Pilger before. Above are the titles of two of his unusual books; unusual in that they are reporting what almost nobody else in the West is. Freedom Next Time talks about the injustices around the world suffering because of unscrupulous policies of Western “leaders”. The people he examines in the case studies are the Chaogossians, Palestinians, Indians, South Africans and Afghans. The other book, New Rulers of the World, shows how empirism is still intact in the way monetary aid, trade sanctions and agreements are used to fuck over the poorer countries. The WTO takes a heavy beating as well as the US Govt, but really nobody is left unscathed. And these books are based on purely journalistic methods of uncovering evidence that is there for all to see, but nobody really has the time to discover and therefore accepts the spoon-fed truth from “media sources”. Enlighten yourself and get a copy of these books from the library.

Go to John Pilger . com and find out more.

Champions League

As part of my public service, I have collaborated with the BBC to bring you the last 16 Champions league fixtures to be played on the 21st and 22nd of February and then on the 6th and 7th of March.

Porto v CHELSEA

CELTIC v AC Milan

PSV Eindhoven v ARSENAL

Lille v MANCHESTER UNITED

Roma v Lyon

Barcelona v LIVERPOOL

Real Madrid v Bayern Munich

Inter Milan v Valencia

Once again with minimum effort I have produced a post. Thanks to the internet.

Ah! this intolerable Tolerance!

Tony Blair on Multiculturalism and Tolerance (highly paraphrased)

Tolerance is a part of what makes Britain. So conform to it or stay out!!

It reminded me of the Rush song Resist

I can learn to resist, Anything but temptation
I can learn to co-exist, With anything but pain
I can learn to compromise, Anything but my desires
I can learn to get along, With all the things I can’t explain

I saw Annie Hall the other day, Woody Allen’s semi-biographical movie about his relationship with Diane Keaton. He summed up relationships thus.

I thought of that old joke, y’know, the, this… this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy; he thinks he’s a chicken.” And, uh, the doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y’know, they’re totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and… but, uh, I guess we keep goin’ through it because, uh, most of us… need the eggs.

Of course, we all know what he means by “eggs”, eh?? Wink wink, nudge nudge.

And thank heavens for the internet or I’d have to type that all out.

Disappointed…

…in my readership. So all I say is, no more posts from now on. Go read Dilbert’s Blog; it’s funnier and more people comment on his blog than I could ever wish for.

(sniff)

I tried making you laugh, I tried giving you sound financial advice, I even pretended to be interested in your dull jobs and your opinions on life…

(sniff)

But I’m through with this malarky. Don’t comment, see if I care!

(sniff) 

Bernard Bailey said “When they find the center of the universe, a lot of people are going to be disappointed that they are not it”. And it’s true, you guys are NOT the center of the universe. It’s MY blog after all!!

The dark side of the job

Quote for today, and especially relevant considering my ongoing quest for gainful employment.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

– James Baldwin

This means that

1. There is an ugly side to every profession.

2. Knowledge of this ugly side is not immediately gained nor is it always immediately obvious.

3. No-one escapes this ugly side once they are familiar with the job.

Any wonder then, why such a pure and blushing rose like me shies away from work?? But who can tell me about the ugly side of their profession. Remember, Ugly Side must confirm to rules 2 and 3 above. Otherwise we have disproved the statement.