Market Speak

There is nothing like money to get people really enthusiastic. Here are excerpts from a French intellectual and journalist giving his two cents on the global-economy-credit-liquidity-crunch-property issue.

The original is in French, hence the Stulted Stylisations.

Money–essential to the spirit of peace–congealed, like blood in veins.

Credit–this fine word is also expressive of people’s faith in others–like a machine that jammed, and then stopped.

Confidence–the famous “confidence” that is also integral to the pact among citizens and the reasons it must be perpetuated–like a spell that is evaporating.

One recalls “Leviathan,” Rousseau’s “Social Contract,” de la Boetie’s “Discourse on Voluntary Servitude”: theories that had almost fallen out of view but in fact described what is taking place now in plain view, during a worldwide crisis unprecedented in the history of our various capitalisms.

Is man a predator of man? Does the fear of this predator slumber within us? An anxiety, formerly concealed by a poorly applied varnish of civilization, about a state of nature that is re-emerging? Consider the princes of finance, once so polite, so complicit, so civilized, who have been facing each other at the edge of the abyss, waiting to see who will be the next to fall; consider that dance of wolves, the ferocious ballet of battered predators sniffing at each other, detecting the scent of death on their neighbors, coveting their remains; consider the tango of white-hot hate that has been discreetly called the “drying up of interbank credit.”

It is as though we have been watching a deadly dance around a fire, where those same people who, through their irresponsibility, devastating egoism and, it must be said, intelligence, turned mad and led the financial world toward implosion, thinking that they could pull themselves out of the furnace by pushing the others in first.

They are all feeling their way, stumbling along. Many leaders have had a terrible time avoiding here a gaffe, a rhetorical stumble there, at quelling the nearly imperceptible bodily ticks that betray one’s vertigo.

by Bernard-Henri Lévy

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Don’t you just love Country and Western?

I was listening to Planet Rock yesterday evening when the DJ and his sidekick were listing the top ten funny country and western song titles.

I have included some for your delectation, including some off of the Net. Please try to imagine a cowboy (or Dolly Parton) singing these songs in order to get the full effect.

    Drop Kick Me Jesus Through The Goalposts Of Life

    I Gave Her The Ring And She Gave Me The Finger

    Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye

    If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now

    If the Phone Don’t Ring, It’s Me Not Calling You Up

    If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead Yet?

    Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)

    Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

    It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long

    I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better

    C’mon Down off the Stove, Granny, You’re Too Old to Ride the Range

    Don’t Run Through The Screen Door Honey You’ll Only Strain Yourself

    I Can’t Love Your Body if Your Heart’s Not In It

    If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You

    I Just Couldn’t Leave Her Behind Alone

    I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Like Having You Here

    I’m Sorry I Made You Cry, But At Least Your Face Is Cleaner

    I Only Have Eyes For You, But Look What I’ve Got For Your Sister

    Since You Bought The Waterbed We’ve Slowly Drifted Apart

p.s. Planet Rock Rocks! the radio blurb goes “If music be the food of love, get ready to be rogered” and “Planet Rock, 24 carat trash”.

Alice Cooper’s on in the morning with great music, dead-pan sarcasm and ‘Cooper’s Covers’ – eclectic covers of great songs by unusual artisits.

later:p.p.s. ‘Drop Kick Me Jesus’ has perhaps the best lyrics ever! “I’ve got the will, Lord, if you’ve got the toe!!” Hahaha!!

Drop Kick Me Jesus

Written by Paul Craft
Sung by Bobby Bare
RCA single PB-10790 (1976)

Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goal-posts of life
End over end, neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous up-rights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goal-posts of life.

Make me, Oh make me, Lord, more than I am
Make me a piece in Your master game plan
Free from the earthly tempestion below
I’ve got the will, Lord, if You got the toe.

REFRAIN

Bring on the brothers, who’ve gone on before
And all of the sisters, who’ve knocked on your door
All the departed, dear, loved ones of mine
Stick ’em up front in the offensive line.

REFRAIN

A lowly bench warmer I’m contented to be
Until the time when you have need of me
The flash on the big score board signs from on high
The big Super Bowl way up in the sky

REFRAIN (2x)

Facebook! Do you know something I don’t??

Under ‘People you may know’ Facebook shows a photo of a work colleague I’ve not added and says

“Add as friend

You and xxxxx both worked at Select Property.”

Worked?? Worked?? Worked???

Facebook! Do you know something I don’t??

And the Best-use-of-“flipping” award goes to…

The Economist has been pondering the likelihood of the bosses of the big, failed banks going to jail.

They say that U.S government prosecuters have so far been looking only at the lower-level irresponsible lending.

“But that will probably change, as prosecutors deploy “flipping” tactics honed during racketeering trials, in which lower level employees receive leniency in return for testifying against their bosses.”

Also check out History’s Best Three Graphs, I’ll give you a teaser for each of the three winners:

1. In 1858 she became the first female fellow of the Statistical Society of London (now Royal Statistical Society).

2. In 1871, his obituarist spoke of him: “For the dry and complicated columns of statistical data, of which the analysis and the discussion always require a great sustained mental effort, he had substituted images mathematically proportioned, that the first glance takes in and knows without fatigue, and which manifest immediately the natural consequences or the comparisons unforeseen.” The chart shown here is singled out for special mention: it “inspires bitter reflections on the cost to humanity of the madnesses of conquerors and the merciless thirst of military glory”.

3. His most famous chart shows the “weekly wages of a good mechanic” and the “price of a quarter of wheat”, with the reigns of monarchs displayed along the top.

Sci-Fi before bed

I have a huge “best of sci-fi” compendium out from the library which is my bed-time reading.

Last night, after dropping of midway through a story of alternate history, I had the dreams of a delusional puppy on acid.

We were in this agrarian world where some predatory big cats had broken loose from their enclosure and were chasing poeple through the fields so we had to climb up to the edge of the world and roll over a chasm where we joined a virtual reality. Each move had to be completed after replying to a Questioner’s riddles. Although we were playing along with the game, it was more a matter of being alive inside a virtual reality game where someone else thought they were controlling events and using those events to escape.

The RPG graphics were vividly real!

I shall have some extra strong cheese tonight, settle with the book and see what happens…

Electronic Beer Goggles

Everyone knows the horror of sending drunken messages to people whom you shouldn’t…

Google’s Gmail is introducing Mail Goggles which, once activated, will stop you from sending inappropriate e-mails whilst drunk that you’ll later regret.

“How? How?” you ask.

According to the Gmail blog, it simply asks you a number of maths questions that you have to answer before being able to send the e-mail. It is automatically activated on weekend nights.

Not so good for the Morning Lushes then. Nor for people like me who work late nights even on weekends.. Hahaha!! Haha!!*

(*wipes a tear)