Don’t you just love Country and Western?

I was listening to Planet Rock yesterday evening when the DJ and his sidekick were listing the top ten funny country and western song titles.

I have included some for your delectation, including some off of the Net. Please try to imagine a cowboy (or Dolly Parton) singing these songs in order to get the full effect.

    Drop Kick Me Jesus Through The Goalposts Of Life

    I Gave Her The Ring And She Gave Me The Finger

    Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye

    If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now

    If the Phone Don’t Ring, It’s Me Not Calling You Up

    If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead Yet?

    Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)

    Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

    It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long

    I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better

    C’mon Down off the Stove, Granny, You’re Too Old to Ride the Range

    Don’t Run Through The Screen Door Honey You’ll Only Strain Yourself

    I Can’t Love Your Body if Your Heart’s Not In It

    If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You

    I Just Couldn’t Leave Her Behind Alone

    I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Like Having You Here

    I’m Sorry I Made You Cry, But At Least Your Face Is Cleaner

    I Only Have Eyes For You, But Look What I’ve Got For Your Sister

    Since You Bought The Waterbed We’ve Slowly Drifted Apart

p.s. Planet Rock Rocks! the radio blurb goes “If music be the food of love, get ready to be rogered” and “Planet Rock, 24 carat trash”.

Alice Cooper’s on in the morning with great music, dead-pan sarcasm and ‘Cooper’s Covers’ – eclectic covers of great songs by unusual artisits.

later:p.p.s. ‘Drop Kick Me Jesus’ has perhaps the best lyrics ever! “I’ve got the will, Lord, if you’ve got the toe!!” Hahaha!!

Drop Kick Me Jesus

Written by Paul Craft
Sung by Bobby Bare
RCA single PB-10790 (1976)

Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goal-posts of life
End over end, neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous up-rights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goal-posts of life.

Make me, Oh make me, Lord, more than I am
Make me a piece in Your master game plan
Free from the earthly tempestion below
I’ve got the will, Lord, if You got the toe.


Bring on the brothers, who’ve gone on before
And all of the sisters, who’ve knocked on your door
All the departed, dear, loved ones of mine
Stick ’em up front in the offensive line.


A lowly bench warmer I’m contented to be
Until the time when you have need of me
The flash on the big score board signs from on high
The big Super Bowl way up in the sky