Lies and videotape

As a kid I used to cycle out to libraries to rent videos for the family. There was one movie on the shelves called “Sex, lies and videotape” that always caught my eye, but the 18 certificate meant I couldn’t rent it. That movie title really teased me all my youth.

So imagine my disappointment when I watched it over the weekend. It was just “Lies and videotape”.

Note to self: Any adult movie around when I was a kid will not live up to the expectations.

This James Spader fella also seems to be in a lot of oddball movies. He was in Crash, and in Secretary. Looking on imdb.com I see he’s been in The Rachel Papers as well, but not as Charles Highway.

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Spam update

Received this. Nuff said.

Stalin took this pills two times per day before food.
Big Ben in London will seem not so big in front of you.

the next day:

One of our Directors sent this in this entry for the competition:

“Harry Potter loves hottie lover, who loves mighty shocker poker.”

Well that’ll learn ‘im!

On the bus this morning like every morning I was reading the Metro’s Letters to the Editor pages. They are a source of great amusement to me, and I belive there are no persons with a higher degree of genuine moral outrage at life’s little foibles than the persons who write these letters.

Anyway, two of the letters of genuine moral outrage published were concerning Robert Mugabe; more specifically the lack of UK and global action to castigate him.

Imagine then how pleased I was when, on arriving at work, I saw the news that Zimbabwe is indeed about to face a ban from a joint England and Wales board. Specifically the England and Wales Cricket Board. This action was prompted by the withdrawal of Cricket South Africa from games committments.

What a remarkable display of multinational solidarity by such powerful and respected bodies in condemnation of the atrocious acts of barbarianism like torture, rape and murder orchestrated by Mugabe and conducted by his henchmen. Yes, you heard it. We won’t play cricket with you.

That’ll learn ‘im!!

Spam scare

I’ve seen a new form of spam:

“London hit by gas attack. Army on full alert!”

and another with

“Donald Trump kidnapped!”

I consider myself a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to spam, owing partly to the fact that I scan my inbox for particularly lewd/hilarious ones that I skype to my friends (see example below). But I’ve not been aware of such scare tactics being used previously, so let me know if any precedents spring to mind.

Example spam: “Lollipop expansion! You will be striptease star on every corporative party.”

It’s written in the Accusative, “You WILL…..”. Which makes me think, “But I don’t want to strip at EVERY corporative party (I think he means corporate, by the way). Just ’cause I did it a couple of times….”

“Culcha”

I missed playing football on Monday night in order to accompany Ioan and Jessy to the Royal Northern College of Music for an evening of “Culture”.

I didn’t miss football by choice, I just didn’t realise that the concert was on a Monday and double-booked myself.

When Ioannis mentioned it, I asked him what the concert was about, i.e. who was playing what.

He replied that it was only £6 for a ticket.

I guess you get what you paid for.

The hype around it sounded good. I mean it was called “Spring-Loaded: RNCM New Ensemble” (In retrospect I should’ve spotted the “New” bit) and the website told me: “The RNCM guitar ensemble wires up for a performance of Mackey’s wildly exciting Measures of Turbulence alongside music by Steven’s great friend Louis Andriessen (In retrospect I also should’ve spotted that Mr. Andriessen’s highest commendation was the fact that he’s a “great friend” of Steven) and a world première by Australian Kate Neal (In retrospect I also should’ve spotted the fact that she’s Australian).”

The RNCM guitar ensemble played something incomprehensible and un-hummable (which is worse), which was described by one spectator as “defining volume using the minimum of spatial expression”*, and another as “a most imaginitative use of the piccatta without too much of the somnata“* **. Pompous twits.

OK, there were some good bits, like when one percussionist was agonisingly missing every odd beat by a fraction of a second. A fact noted by all because the other percussionist was getting them right.

*Totally made-up quotes.
** Totally made-up musical terms.

What’s a robot like you doing in a place like this?

Apparently by 2050 human beings will be having loving relationships with robots.

David Levy, author of the book “Love + sex with robots”, explains why a person might want such a relationship:

“There are many millions of people in the world who have nobody. They might be shy or they might have some psychological hang-ups or psycho-sexual hang-ups, they might have personality problems, they might be ugly …

Way to go Levy!

Meanwhile for Quote of The EURO 2008, so far the best I’ve seen is this blogger talking about Brazilian-born Roger Guerreiro who, though clearly not Polish, was granted nationality just in time to play in the Polish team.

“there are hot dogs that have been Polish longer than him”

BTW here’s a very good and interesting analysis of the cultural composition of The EURO 2008.

The Keyboard of Confucius

FOR SALE: Keyboard. Original Kensington ValuKeyboard circa 500 BC belonging to Confucius. Genuine antique! Custom-built quote generator – “Man who buy keyboard very keyed in”. Made in China, complies with FCC standards. Free Abacus software with purchase.

Also for Sale: Magellan’s GPS navigator, GARMIN GPS 152, robust, bright yellow. 12 parallel channel GPS receiver loaded with a database of city maps (needs updating).

Dirty Rookie

There was an ad running on channel five over the weekend for a movie they were going to show. Clint Eastwood with his usual squint-and-snarl acting was shown in various ‘beating-up-baddies’ poses. the voiceover was saying

“If it looks like Dirty Harry,
If it sounds like Dirty Harry,
If it smells like Dirty Harry,
Then it must be…..

The Rookie”.

A balanced view

I feel I’ve been rather harsh on Bulgarian journalists, considering they are by far not the only offenders. So in the interest of balance here’s the competition from Greece.

Thanks to Ioan for pointing this out today.

World Environment Day today with the UN asking people to reduce their CO2 emmissions. The chairman of the (Greek) electricity board denied the harms of CO2, explaining that it is widely used even in soft drinks.

However I came right back at him with Bulgaria’s contender:

Streets of Bulgaria’s Yambol Washed for First Time in 10 Years

Bulgarian authorities reported that the streets of the southeastern town of Yambol have been washed for the first time in ten years. Unemployed people were hired to do the job as part of the Social Ministry programmes for temporary employment. Citizens commented they could not remember the last time they saw the streets of their town clean.

Dullgaria 2

Came across another journalistic belter in Bulgarian news today.

In the Society section of the online international edition of a Bulgarian news paper, I see the headline.

An Occupation Ancient and Profitable

Now I know what occupation that is (real estate) so I clicked on it, only to find out that

The oldest profession looms to be also the most profitable one, at least in Bulgaria. Six prostituting girls could yield up to € 1 million yearly.

Note the use of the words ‘…could yield…’, normally seen in this format in a sentence discussing a viable business opportunity like

Six cows could yield up to 25 litres of milk daily.

The reporter is clearly resentful of the opportunity they’ve got, as it goes on to say

A prostitute in the Bulgarian seaside resort Sunny Beach earns between 12 000 and 18 000 euros just for a month, estimate the Police authorities. For comparison, the average monthly income in Bulgaria rarely exceeds 500 euro.

The reporter even offers some advice:-

Actually Burgas is the most convenient town for transferring of prostitutes across the border.

Proof that i’m not making it up = http://international.ibox.bg/news/id_2083586765