Sex change in animals (and all it entails)

Have you ever wondered about sex change in animals? When there is an overwhelming imbalance of males to females, in some species the issue is resolved by some males turning into females. Now, this in itself is remarkable, but I wonder even more about the process by which the decision is made which of the males undergoes the chop, so to speak. 

If it’s voluntary, then I imagine the discussion goes something like this:-

Chopper:- Ahem, it looks like one of us had better do the right thing.

Choppee:- Well, it’s no secret that I’ve always fancied a bit of rough-and-tumble with the guys. Many’s the night I’ve lain awake hopping to get buggered. If this is what it takes…

If it’s involuntary, then the person who gets the chop is perhaps the one with the least to lose. (There had to be a joke about penis size. I had another one about the shortest straw drawing the shortest straw)

Neskolko punktov

  • Looking forward to United playing Europe XI today, what a cracker!!
  • Have an interview for next Monday, the job’s very close by home.
  • Was Gareth’s birthday yesterday, I hope you all knew.
  • Hungry now

Later:- What a crap game! I’d be incensed if Id’ve bought a ticket for that crap! The “Europe” team had has-beens Stelios Giannokopolous and Diouf (Bolton), Fowler and Zenden (Liverpool), and some No Name defenders. But worst of all, Fuckin’ Materazzi!! No Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, Juninho, etc. And United in the second half fielded an equally crap side with Eagles (not the band), Cole and others.

Flu

Nothing like a drippy nose to get your spirits down. But I’m rather enjoying annoying people with my slurping snorts.

“Wont you look down upon me, Jesus
Youve got to help me make a stand
You’ve just got to see me through another day
My bodys aching and my time is at hand
And I wont make it any other way”

Fire and Rain – James Taylor

Och Lassie, Oim Tired!!

Went to the Salford Uni climbing wall with Jillian Jeh, Nabeel, Simon and Ali on Thursday under the protective wing of the University of Manchester Hiking Club (thank you). Had a great time although I couldn’t do any diificult climbing myself due to a gash in my finger trying to fix Sha’s car. But I was the “elderly & informed instructor” and with my own harness, shoes and belay device managed to look like an old hand. Luckily remembered the knots, but it’s like cycling; you never forget.

This weekend is football weekend; I played on Friday as usual (lost by 2 goals), then on Saturday Man Utd played Middlesborough away (2:2 draw), and today Chelsea v Tottenham, not to mention giants Watford v Plymouth!

Spoonerisms

Named after William Spooner, who was an Oxford Don methinks, this is the swapping of the beginnings of two words in a sentence with comic result.

For example, instead of “My Lord is a loving shepherd” we can have “My Lord is a shoving leopard”

And “He struck a crushing blow” becomes “He struck a blushing crow”

Make your own!

Crime won’t crack itself

This is a phrase that often crops up in my mind. It was used by two corrupt cops in the beautifully under-stated BBC comedy called ‘Early Doors’ about regulars at a typical Manchester worker’s pub called The Grapes talking about their day. 

Though I’m a big fan of Shameless, it seems to have got carried away somewhere along the line and become too convoluted and unreal; unnecessarily so in my opinion. Whereas Early Doors had that authenticity and Northern Humour that is typified by the title phrase; for example, these afore-mentioned cops come in the back door of the pub and talk to the landlord about how some rotten fink was caught making fake tenners and then pull some out of their pockets – “You can pass these over the counter, nobody will notice on a Friday night”. The landlord, not averse to fixing the odd pub lottery himself, is continually amazed and disgusted by these two, but needs them as cop buddies, just in case. 

As the two finish their double brandies and head back to duty in their police car, one goes “Got to get going” at which the other dutifully chimes in “Crime won’t crack itself, you know” 

Exquisite! 

A Brief History of the Human Race / Drop Dead Gorgeous

And the book by Michael Cook sure lives up to its name.

I’m really enjoying this brief but comprehensive view that quilts together the separate patches of development in human history (were talking roughly 30,000 years to present).

Of course he has a say about human cultural tendencies, amongst which he has this line for monotheism.

“But if we are to pick out a single aspect of monotheism in this connection [its longevity], it might be less what monotheism embraces than what it rejects: other gods and the people who worship them. It is in the nature of montheism to pick a quarrel”.

This means that “There is only one god” actually has the subtext “…and that god is MY god, of course! And if you nincompoops don’t switch over, why I’ll have to bash your heads in till you believe! Persecute!! Kill!!”

Something else mentioned in the book reminded me of the film “Drop Dead Gorgeous” shown on BBC 1 on Wednesday night, where Denise Richards sings “I love you baby” to Jesus as part of her talent show in the beauty pageant and dances with a puppet on a cross!! Hilarious stuff!!