Peeing with a brick

I’ll bet you’ve never seen a post like this before.

As a young and impressionable lad at school in India, I was surprised to see a number of my comrades scrabbling around for a piece of brick to take with them to the toilets. What was rivetting was that this didn’t seem to be an optional choice, but a necessity. They could be bursting at the seams, but no brick meant no peeing.

Being the budding anthropologist / smarmy fucking nosey bastard that I was, I began my investigation of this curious affair.

The thing that struck me first (apart from a couple of smart blows to the nose when I got carried away with my observations and drew too close to my ‘performing’ subjects) was that the perpetrators were exclusively of the Islamic persuasion.

Subtle investigative questioning coupled with familiarisation tactics (“Why the brick, mate?”) led to the uncovering of the truth. The boys (did I forget to mention that I had access to data from the boy’s toilets only?) were under the impression that The Prophet (pbuh) himself rather liked them to do this.

“What?” I asked. “Take a brick with you to pee? Why on earth? Where’s the sense in that?” (I already had the beginnings of my trademark inquisitiveness and thirst for knowledge that made me such a frickin’ pain in the backside).

After long and tedious inquiries into the matter (thereby illustrating another of my trademarks; the doggedness and persistence and never-say-die attitude that makes people want to say “Never say die, eh? Well, I’d like to try”), I managed to elucidate the matter.

Apparently the brick (or any other absorbent dry matter) is to be used in the absence of water to clean your thingammyjig of any stray drops after “going”. Here was a classic case of little zealots performing things by rote without understanding what they were supposed to be doing. They were just chucking the bricks into the urinals after peeing, and their thingammyjigs were none the cleaner for it (I was observing all this, remember?). 

Hence I illustrated a common sense idea that was taken literally and performed mechanically because the religious got mixed up. Unfortunately this happens a lot.

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  1. Did the bricks not block the urinals a bit?! Who had to take them out?! Doesn’t sound like much of a cleanliness ritual to me! 🙂

    Naz responds:- We had the kind of open horse-trough urinals that encouraged communal participation (and much ritual bonding, I might add).

  2. Ioannis

     /  8 January, 2007

    What a long post!

  3. Explains a lot. 😛

  4. Yasso

     /  11 January, 2007

    Er… where was this exactly?
    And all that time I thought you were playing football… I guess this explains why you never got any better at it, AND why you had no girlfriends without my assistance… sigh… the things one has to accept in life…

    Naz responds: St John’s. And “assistance“?? If that’s what pimping is called nowadays!! 😛


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