Teletrubbies – 1. The Meddling Narrator

I realised there’s a lot of material for moaning about, so here’s the first of a series of many in which I shall explore the ills of British terrestrial telly.

It seems that nowadays no program can be made without the ubiquitous narrator present. At best, Narrator Person (NP) attempts to provide continuity to a change of scene by linking the two. As if we couldn’t make the jump by seeing the same faces in the two scenes. The telly producers are so scared of making something unintelligible to their hypothetical “Least Common Denominator” person that they lump all the viewing public in with that stereotype. I regularly see BBC programs (which have no ad breaks) with NP saying “Coming up next, so-and-so will such-and-such” Lo and behold!! in the very next scene so-and-so does such-and-such, but not without NP first saying “Previously, we saw so-and-so doing such-and-such and now we catch up”!!

At the worst end we get the Idiot NP who goes “Who will win?”, “But will the voters know that?” or “I wonder whether they will share or shaft?” at which I literally scream “If you shut up you’ll find out you flipping orangutan!”

Another example is “Lily is looking sad” when indeed Lily is looking sad, the operative here being ‘looking’, as in we are watching what she fucking looks like!

 

Shouting at the telly

I have developed this irresistably cute (I think) habit of hurling abuse at anyone on the telly that incurs my wrath. This means everybody. Any half-baked “celebrity” is immediately fair game. And then these dumb reality shows where people say “I didn’t expect to do very well anyway” which shows what thickos they are, and quiz shows where people say the capital of an East European country is Belgium, and makeovers where people for some arcane reason don’t just whip around and slap the silly and obnoxious “expert”.

AAAARRRGHHHH!

It makes my blood boil it does!

A job title on offer is “Ocean Import Clerk”. I wonder how much of the ocean you’d have to have imported before you qualify as one??

Oh, so much to blog about!!!

Should I or shouldn’t I?

I shan’t!

(This is what “In the Business” is called a teaser)

Oh, and today’s quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson is something I’ve noticed myself.

“The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons.”

Later:- Some people didn’t get the quote, so I’ll elaborate. The man R.W. Emerson is talking about is, atleast figuratively, a guest in their house. The more he called himself “honest”, the more they checked whether he had nicked their (silver) spoons by counting them. This means that the more a man person claims to be honest, the more wary of that person you should be. Shakespeare has a similar “The lady doth protest too much, methinks” where Queen Gertrude (Hamlet) repeats how much she loves the King.

Tipping Point

Yes, I’ve got the book. Now I shall proceed to read it. Like all American books, it’s not content with explaining a phenomenon. No, it has to go one step further and tell you how “you can harness the power of this phenomenon for yourselves to start trends”. Otherwise what’s the point of reading a book, eh? Surely not for knowledge itself!
Went to Leeds with Ioannis yesterday to pick up Panos. All we saw of Leeds was the so-called “Loop Road” which was quite helpful, if we’d known of its existence beforehand. Managed to find the coach station quite easily though.

Much later:- Okay, finished reading it. An absorbing book, it took a while to catch on but then went pretty well. Certain things about it are very interesting and worth knowing, but it could have been better written. 

The God Delusion

I’ve just finished reading Richard Dawkins’ book ‘The God delusion’. He believes in atheism and tries to logically prove it. He also blames religion for a lot of ills in the world, and recommends the following,

Children should never be called by any faith name, such as “Christian child” or “Buddhist boy”. They are too young to have made up their minds, and it’s just as ridiculous as saying “Secular girl” and “Neo-Marxist child”

Segregation of children in faith schools should be stopped.

Um..huhh, and something else I’ve forgotten.

He also gives a good expose of the religious right in America (or America’s Taliban as he calls them) and some things they say and believe are truly shocking. All in all a very good read, although the repetition of arguments does get tedious at times and makes the book too big.

Oh, and this is post number 400!

Two things..

1) I signed up for Hotmail’s new Beta LiveMail account. It’s not really good, lacks loads of functionality I’d expect. And my inbox was empty today, which I naturally put down to some F-up on their part. So I chose to revert back to Hotmail, upon which they FORCED me to answer a survey about LiveMail! So I gave them wrong, contradictory and confusing answers that are going to be of no use to the idiots. 

Hotmail, don’t you fuckers know the first thing about surveys???

2) I watched ‘Mystic River’ yesterday. So obviously the song ‘Mystic Rhythms’ by Rush was going through my head all through the movie. In order to make a good whodunit and keep us guessing, Clint Eastwood the director had to come up with a really implausible killer in the end.

A wonderful amusing day for science!

Apparently, natural oils in shampoos and lotions like tea tree or lavender oil have caused the growth of breasts on three young boys. Unfortunately there are no piccies. But I wonder how this “research” came about being. The boys were aged 4, 7 and 10. I’m guessing boys from one family were brought to a doctor after repeated use of a product made them “popular with the other boys”. I’m visualising a scene from Family Guy where the son grows breasts and suddenly all the cool guys want to hang out with him!

And a study due to be released in the U.S has found that lighter skin equates to bigger pay packets. The researcher divided skin tones into 11 shades ranging from darkest to lightest, and found that skin lighter by one part on this scale was equivalent in earnings to an extra year in education.

So stop studying and get your self lighter skin!! (In colourist America, of course)