Well, for you there’s the Homeless World Cup, a mega extravaganza involving 27 teams and 60,000 spectators. Sounds like the average crowd I see around my neighbourhood Netto supermarket that! But guys, it’s for a good cause, raising awareness about poverty. And all by the good guys at ‘SuperConglomerateSportsManufacturing Corp.’ “Impoverished is nothing” “Just eat it”

Ardent fans of mine (go on, admit it, you know you are one) will recall that I intended to watch Herzog’s film yesterday. But plans change, and none change as inscrutably as mine. Unless they’re plans made in Kyoto, that is. So I decided to see saw. Saw the film. I mean what I saw was saw the film. (Haha, can’t resist) The film ‘Saw’ is what I decided to see, and saw. (After some more jokes in this vein…) Real scary film in some parts, although you can’t help comparing it to an all-time great, ‘Seven’ with Morgan Freeman, and Prat Bidd (try saying his name properly after reading this out loud. I couldn’t). See, the problem I have with ‘Saw’, and a lot of movies of this genre, is that once they have a little character called “Psychopath”, they don’t bother explaining why he goes to all that effort to snuff a few random souls. The psychopath folder becomes a kind of hold-all, wherein any inexplicable acts can be stuffed and justified. e.g. “Mommy, why did the bad guy bother to cut the guy up and fry the steaks with tarragon sauce and a dash of lemon (including the rind, don’t waste the rind) when he was going to toss him to the sharks anyway?” “Weeell, he’s a Syko, innit? Stands to reason he dunno whats he doin’, innit? he’s just a fookin’ Syko. You complete set of bahstads, you” (No reason why Mommy talks like that, just giving more to the character to prevent it from becoming flat and two-dimensional. Avid readers might note the heavy borrowing from Mel B of ‘Spicy Girls’ fame. More avider readers might even notive the pun on ‘avid’, as in Avid Merrion, ginger-haired creator of the Mel B character). Seven (or Se7en, as it is also known) has the invaluable scene with Kevin Spacey (my mind keeps telling me it’s John Malkovich, for some reason. But you can’t argue with God. Especially God in google form) in the back of the cop car explaining his actions. If you see ‘Saw’ (it’s just pathetic now Naz) the (un)character of the killer is justified by some shots of a guy lying in bed with a tumour in the frontal lobe. That’s all folks!
Okay, deep breath…and….
I also saw ‘Wasabi’, from Luc Besson of Leon and Fifth Element fame. Basically we have Jean Reno again, with some young girl again (dunno what it is, but there seem to be a lot of young girls as co-stars who have crushes on him. Hmmm…), with some hilarious scenario again. I was too tired to pay much attention near the end, but there was some shooting and stuff. And $200 million. And a half-rabbit, half-hippo creature with fifteen foot tentacles growing out of its nose. Or maybe not.

A dream scenario:-
“I was acting in an advert for a stupid injury claims company when I fell off a ladder while attempting to imitate some stupid oaf claimant who fell off his ladder because he was too daft to make sure the legs wouldn’t slip. I injured my back severely, and wasn’t able to do any more wooden acting for 3 months. I called the stupid injury claims company, and they successfully sued themselves on my behalf. I got the grand sum of £3,540″
Only people with TV’s will get this (although ownership of a televisual apparatus doesn’t ensure understanding of this post). I hate these ‘injury claim’ ads, although I got 1000 squid claiming after I had an accident in my friend’s car and “suffered severe whiplash injuries to the neck” !