Been busy with applications. Driving test is coming up in two days; I shall know around 13:30 on Thursday whether I hold my head high or hang it in abject shame.
Nowt much to blog, so I’ll give you some quotes from a very colourful book on African (un)politics, basically a guide book on how to become, and remain, dictator. The book is ‘Waiting for the wild beasts to vote’ by Ahmadou Kourouma and is very distinctively written. The style of narration runs thus: A singer-poet praising a “great” hunter (who became dictator for life of a West African nation) has a court jester at his side who tells us the real story in hints. This is over the period of celebration of seven nights, thus the seven chapters of the book are called the Seven Vigils. Some colourful, Confucian-like excerpts at the beginning of each chapter are

“The drum which does not punish the crime is a cracked jug”
“A fish-hook is useless to catch a hippopotamus”
“It is he whose impotence you cured who steals your wife”

and what has to be the best

“A man does not forget the shrub behind which he took cover when he fired on an elephant and hit him”

I had this great brainwave while lying in bed. Unfortunately it flooded my memory bank!! 😛 I thought of locating my old school on t’web. Frankly, what I’d like to have seen was a map of the school building and some photos so I could remember where I ran around as a wee nipper, so I was a smidge disappointed, but I did manage to register myself on the alumni database. So here without any further ado, is New English School, Kuwait. “Ex oriente lux” was our motto, which I think means light from the Orient, which is kind of pointless. The uniforms seem to have changed, but then it has been 20+ years!!
I couldn’t find my school in India, St John’s High School, on the web, but then why am I not surprised? I am however shocked that my college, St Joseph’s, is not on the web either. However, to entertain you I must link to this photo Google dragged up from Flickr. It’s of a first year class, St Joseph’s College, year ’81-’82. At the height of Indian summer fashion!!!

You can vote for the worst buildings in Manchester at a website called “pride of Manchester” although i couldn’t vote for any because Manchester is all beauty. Can you imagine they’ve even nominated the Bridgewater hall???
And didja know that the best building in manchester is on Daisy Bank Road??

Having nowt to do except wait for a large multinational to send me an email confirming, nay, doubling the amount they want to pay me, I’ve been browsing blogs. Rachel’s hypo-allergenic cat article took me to a website about pets, where I found this headline “Pet-eating predator reappears in Mass.” Little was I to know that Mass is Massachusetts (of the Bee Gees song fame). I expected, and quite frankly was looking forward to seeing, a demonic stalker and devourer of pet poodles lurking in church and confessing for sins committed and forthcoming.
While doing this I also uncovered a must-read blog with articles about Origami gadgets from New Scientist.com’s Inventions

Yesterday evening I left the telly running while I was rustling up some Indian veggie food in the kitchen. Imagine my surprise when an advertisement (that’s all I pay attention to) for what appeared to be “Tropicana g-strings for kids” could be heard blaring in my living room. Now, let me inform you, my dear reader, that I am if anything a liberalist at heart, and far be it for me to stop anyone from enjoying their rights. But surely this was one step too far? We’ve thrown little make-up sets, barbie dolls, fashion glitters, and what-not else at kids (as any afternoon viewer of telly like meself knows), but the line must be drawn somewhere! G-strings indeed!! I had really worked myself up by the time I reached the living room!!
What it actually said was “Juice drinks for kids”.
Oh well, this missionary can wait for another cause to come along!!

I have just given the finger to spam!! Thanks to my own ingenuity and nothing at all owed to V!
Something in the newspapers botheirng me. Twice over the last week I have notices journalists using the word “phase” instead of “faze”, like “Nothing could phase him when he had a duty to do”. What a sloppy level of journalism!!! Really gets on my tits!!
P.S. I made some deliciousa pancakes yesterday with lovely meaty fillings!!

Reuters, UPI:- Last Sunday, the 4th of June, three cars separately made their way from Manchester down to Uttoxeter. Little would anyone of the onlooking, unsuspecting public realise that these three cars, in fact, held co-conspiring members of a very carefree and socialist alliance. These nutters were, in fact, out to realise a dastardly plan, hatched and realised by a most devious individual only known to interpol as “Tinks” a.k.a “Tinkerbell”. Rumour has it that this woman acquired this moniker due the hellish and monstrous tattoo around her bum region.
The mainstay of this plan was to bankrupt a large Western company that runs the entertainment park called Alton Towers. They aimed to accomplish this by going on as many rides as possible, therefore making it impossible for this free-trading company to make any profit from the £20.70 this heinous group had paid in advance. Another part of the plan was to jam up all the queues to increase public disgruntle-ness and spread Anti-Altonism.
Fortunately for the park, one pimply-faced employee amongst the many thousands that work there cottoned on to this plan, and they were named and shamed after having only been on 10/11 rides each! The members were The Black Corsa Pirates- Ioannis, Naz, Jessy, Yannis (with a predominance of Greeks, this group was well-versed in sea piracy), The Silver Polo Corsairs- David, Simon, Shasha, Bessie (this group contained the masters of infiltration), and The Maroon-ish Escort Marooners- Willy, Jilly, and the kingpin herself Tinky.
The rides that had been victims of their dastardly attemps were: Oblivion (twice), Air (twice), Nemesis, Climbing Wall, Katanga, The Flume, Spinball, Rita the Speed Queen, and Corkscrew. A splinter group also attacked the arcades and the Teacup ride.

Got to check out snap.com which searches websites, and displays a screen shot of the site so you can see if you wanna visit it!
Thanks to Autology for this heads-up.

What do I get Shasha for her birthday?? She’s getting on a bit now, the old girl, maybe a stairlift from Stannah? The new Sofia looks real nice and elegant.
She’s bought “The Timewaster Letters” from Fopp, and it really is hilarious. Ioannis was over for Stellas (thanks Ioannis) and Black Bean Beef din-din (thanks Shasha) last night, and we were just roaring with laughter at some of the letters this guy has written to some of the most idiotic and self-important societies throughout Britain. He tells the British Colour Foundation that he invented a new colour “greem” that he says he can’t really describe, but then proceeds to. I’ll get the quote for you tomorrow, an absolute laugh!!
I watched Jet Li’s unleashed, quite moronic story with good action scenes. Hoskins was back as a English gangster, but nothing like his great performance in that lovely film the name of which I can’t remember now so I’ll have to google it. Ahh, “The long Good Friday”. Great!!
Also I hear Mahesh and Ina are set to tie the knot next April, we should get down to Mauritius to help the lucky couple celebrate. Or we should go there anyway!! Haha

—-Later—
Sha has kindly sent me the quote, so you won’t have to wait till tomorrow, you lucky sods!! So here, straight from Robin Cooper’s book, is a description of his new colour greem.

“Greem is like a field of undiluted emotion, cut clean with steel scissors, wielded by a fragrant farmgirl who has just written a ‘Belated Happy Birthday’ card to her dearest nephew.”

Then he went on to say:

“I hope this gives u a clearer picture of what greem looks like, but if you would like to see a sample of my new colour, please write back – enclosing my membership card to your organisation.”

Well, I had a mock driving test arranged that both me and my friend/driving instructor coolly forgot about. So we’re put-putting around town, chatting about this and whatnot, when he gets a call from an irate instructor who’s been kept waiting! Uh-oh!! I race to the test centre, much to the alarm of my instructor, who only knows me as my meek, courteous and mild-mannered alter-ego. The istructor was really curt, not un-friendly but very business-like, and I suppose I got my money’s worth in terms of a close-to-real-life simulation. I got 9 minor faults, 3 because I signalled before looking (an old habit from my happy driving times in India!!) and so I passed. I’m aiming to reduce my faults down to zero now, because I’ve got precious else to do!!
Oh, and Jill’s sent an email with a game about parking! I had to park, he said within two car lengths, I did it in about half the space and in 30 seconds!! Was he impressed?? Well, if he was, the git didn’t show it!!
I saw ‘United 93’ in a sneak screening that only Tinsel Town’s elite were invited to (cheap student-types, that is). I thought it was United ’93, as in Manchester United. When I saw the plane on the billboards, I thought it had summat to do with the plane crash with United players (the Busby Boys). It could’ve been ’93, for all my knowledge of football stats can say! The movie was gripping, apart from the odd questions my cynicism gave rise to (how many people remember the number of their flight?? I don’t!!). But the time really flew!!